Shut up. No one cares.

 

I'm a very passionate person.  When I get excited about something you can easily tell.  My inner nerd comes out.  I start rattling off, my tone becomes lighter, my skin begins to glow with excitement.  I geek out as I talk about whatever set me off.

Then I slam into the side of a mountain as my anxiety takes over, repeating a voice from my childhood.

"Shut up. No one cares."

Those five words, no matter how excited I am, can destroy me in an instant.  And that's why I stop talking and walk away.

Battling Anxiety

 

This is what it feels like when you go out into the world, when you live with anxiety.  It attacks you from more than one angle and it truly is a battle each time.

True Insanity

 

Inside I'm screaming

But only silence remains.

Nothing can escape

My soul is insane.

 

No one can hear the deafening silence of the madness within.  That is what drives a person insane.

The Monster Within

 

A monster cares not

For the lives he destroys

Their souls I will devour

I am a monster, a very bad boy.

 

Often times we will warn someone of our true nature, the beast we fight to keep locked up deep inside out soul.  You should listen, for it may not appear often, but the monster is there, lying in wait.

Hating the World

 

Those dark thoughts, those harsh emotions, they can break a person down.  It is a fight to continue forward.  To keep going takes a strength that drains our soul.

Succumbing to the Night

 

My demons

I can no longer fight.

I've given up,

Succumbed to the night.

 

I belong to them,

They are in control.

I have lost.

I have no soul.

 

This is what it feels like when the darkness surrounds us, embraces us, consumes us whole.

Fake Smile

 

Most people do not want to see someone who is hurting or in pain... so we fake a smile to make them feel better about themselves.  The pain is still very much real and does not go away.  You can see it in our eyes, if you would only just look.

Dying Alone

I've never been afraid of death. More times than not I actually welcome it.  What scares me the most is dying while being alone.

Eyes

Her eyes became the death of me,

for when I looked into them

I fell in a love that can never be.

 

Sometimes you can fall so madly in love with someone, that when they are gone, so are you.

Broken

 

Why am I broken and so worthless?

 

 

Often times, no matter what some one tells us or how good things are going, when we crash, we crash hard and this is how we see ourselves, broken.

Living with Anxiety

I'm not afraid of Death... its living that scares the shit out of me.

 

Where most people have a fear of death, those who are suffering through Anxiety are afraid of living. Things that you see as normal scare the ever loving shit out of us. The fight becomes even harder because we know we have to keep moving forward, slowly, one inch at a time, but we do move forward.