Fake Smile

 

Most people do not want to see someone who is hurting or in pain... so we fake a smile to make them feel better about themselves.  The pain is still very much real and does not go away.  You can see it in our eyes, if you would only just look.

Dying Alone

I've never been afraid of death. More times than not I actually welcome it.  What scares me the most is dying while being alone.

Eyes

Her eyes became the death of me,

for when I looked into them

I fell in a love that can never be.

 

Sometimes you can fall so madly in love with someone, that when they are gone, so are you.

Broken

 

Why am I broken and so worthless?

 

 

Often times, no matter what some one tells us or how good things are going, when we crash, we crash hard and this is how we see ourselves, broken.

Living with Anxiety

I'm not afraid of Death... its living that scares the shit out of me.

 

Where most people have a fear of death, those who are suffering through Anxiety are afraid of living. Things that you see as normal scare the ever loving shit out of us. The fight becomes even harder because we know we have to keep moving forward, slowly, one inch at a time, but we do move forward.

Suicide Season

This is just a reminder that we are now in the suicide season.  Thoughts of suicide increase between the months of November and February, with the highest increase occurring in the month of December.  With increase thoughts comes increased pain.  An intense pain that is often hidden by a smile.

The cause of this increase is often an overwhelming feeling of being alone, rejected, and unloved.  Even if the person is surrounded by people, these emotions can still wrap themselves around someone, engulf them completely before consuming them quickly.

It is nothing that anyone has done personally.  These emotions are in the air because everyone is expected to be surrounded by family, but not everyone has family in their lives.  Thoughts of missing people begin to fill the air, and these are the emotions that cling to those of us sensitive to them.

There is something everyone can do to help ease the pain, even if for a few moments.  Tell someone that you love them.  There does not have to be a reason, just that you love them.  Do not expect a reply, just speak the words, and genially mean them.

You never know, your words could be the lifeline they use to keep from drowning in the dark emotions, and turning thoughts of suicide into actions of.

My Storm

There’s a storm brewing.  It hits every year at the same time and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

It will hit with all the strength and furry any God could muster.  It will consume and utterly destroy me, drawing me into the depths of its darkest emotions.

The closer it approaches, the darker the sky will become, until no light can escape its grasp.

There is no eye to this storm, no calm whatsoever.  So when it hits it’s at full force, with nothing to slow it down.

When the storm finally leaves I will be left on the ground, my body completely shattered.  I will slowly recover, in time for the next storm.

But you will never see the destruction for it resides deep inside my soul.

There's a Storm Overhead

There’s a storm sitting over me right now. The sky is dark, the air is chilled, charged with static, looking for a spark to ignite it. The flashes of lightning are contained as there is no thunder; yet.

I am fighting this storm, not wanting to let it rage, but it is very tiresome to do so. It came out of nowhere, without warning, and I do not know how long it will last. I have to weather this storm and pick up the pieces after.

I know that it’s no one’s fault, not even my own, this I have always known, however, that does not make it any easier to cope with. My emotions are a mirror, reflecting the world around me, my soul as dark as the sky.

In the darkness many things can hide, none I would consider an alley. Destruction, chaos, madness, loneliness, and fear all live within the storm. They wish to come out and play.

Please bear with me as I wait for this storm to pass.