For the lack of a better term I am using “Mental Issue,” M.I. for short, as a blanket term to describe what we have and deal with on a daily basis. I want to use “Issue” because I don’t want to call it an “Illness.”

Illness, to me anyway, implies that it can be cured, it’s something that you caught and didn’t have before. It’s a part of us, it’s in our DNA, and it’s something we didn’t choose to have but something we live with on a daily basis.

When our M.I. kicks in it’s called “An Episode.” An Episode of what? Are we a sitcom or drama that people sit back and watch? While it may certainly feel this way for non M.I.s, for those of us going through said “episode” it feels more like a storm. Comes on with little to no warning. A lot of huffing and puffing, with loud crashes of thunder. For this reason I will refer to them as Storms and not “Episodes.”

By talking we can begin healing and understanding on both
sides. Ask questions and listen to the answers, don’t judge, don’t speak, just listen.



Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Drowing

I feel like I’m drowning.  I can not breathe.  I’m not really hungry.  I have no real energy and I can not even steal energy from anyone.  I feel dark and cold inside.  I feel alone.
Try as I might I can not shake how I feel.  I hate myself, not for how I feel but how it makes those around me feel.  That hatred turns into anger and it’s directed at myself.
I feel like no one knows how I feel, even though I know that’s not true.  If I was strong I could shake this but that’s just it, I’m not strong.  I cry, I weep, I am dead weight.
Like any dead weight I bring those around me into my abyss.  If I do not cut the tether that binds them to me I bring them a sentence of pain and suffering.
As I sink into the abyss my hand reaches out.  The light grows dimmer the further down I fall deep into myself.  Medication will not work on me, I have tried.  It’s a death trap for my mind and soul.  Numb by pills or by pain of my own torment, either way inside I am dead and gone.
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